Ancient Chinese Joke about Buddhism: Buddha's Bugs

Ahoy from Amoy (historic Xiamen, China)! 

Chinese revere Buddhism but they're not above joking about it. After all, as the woodcarver once admitted, "He who carves the Buddha does not worship him." I especially like this joke, which is about the evil Beelzebug (mosquitoes, you know, are the deadliest creature on the planet, killing more people each year than any other creature--and the link between mosquitoes and malaria was discovered right here in Amoy in the late 1800s, which is why Gulangyu Islet is know as "The Cradle of Tropical Medicine").

Buddha's Bugs (A Qing Dynasty Tale, 1644-1912)

A Buddhist monk vowed to offer his blood to feed other living things, but after mosquitoes had bitten him for hours, the itching got to him and he began swatting them with abandon.

"What happened to your vow?" asked a bystander.

The monk sighed. "Some of them have started coming back for seconds."

Enjoy Amoy! 

Dr. Bill Brown
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA

School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.com

Ancient Chinese Political Joke: Man of the People (anti-corruption)

Ahoy from Amoy (historic Xiamen, China)! 

Xi Jinping fought corruption in Shanghai over a decade before he had a platform to tackle it nationwide. It's an an age-old problem in every country in the world. And Chinese, of course, have many ancient jokes about governmental corruption--like the one below, which I could well imagine happening even today!

Man of the People (ancient Chinese political joke)

A newly appointed official tried to impress folks with his moral virtues by writing three phrases on his office walls:

1.  Don’t covet money.
2.  Don’t desire promotions.
3.  Don’t fear death.

A few days later, some wit added two characters to the bottom of each line so they became:

1.  Don't covet money…in small quantities.

2.  Don't desire promotions…unless it’s much higher than this one.

3.  Don't fear death…but I want to live as long as I can.

Enjoy Amoy! 

Dr. Bill Brown
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA

School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.com

Ancient Chinese Business Jokes: Eat in East, Sleep in West (1 Wife, 2 Systems)

Ahoy from Amoy (historic Xiamen, China)

Those who think Chinese are new at business better think again, because these ancient Chinese jokes about business suggest otherwise. They're not new at politics either. Many wondered if Hong Kong could survive after it's return to China in 1997, but it seems that even young Chinese maidens, centuries ago, knew about dual systems.

Eat in East, Sleep in West (or, 1 Wife, 2 Systems) Ming Dynasty, 1638-1644)

A young girl was torn between two suitors. One was a rich but ugly young man who lived East of their farm. The other was a poor but handsome neighbor who lived to the West.

She moaned to her mother, “If only I could marry both, and eat in the East and sleep in the West.”  

Enjoy Amoy! 

Dr. Bill Brown
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA

School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.com

Ming Dynasty Chinese business jokes: Mosquito Amulet, Caveat Emptor

Ahoy from Amoy (historic Xiamen, China)!

Those who think Chinese are new at business better think again, because these ancient Chinese jokes about business suggest otherwise.

Mosquito Amulet—Caveat Emptor (Ming Dynasty, 1638-1644)

A man bought an amulet to ward off mosquitoes and returned the next day to complain to the vendor, "This mosquito amulet did not work! Mosquitoes bit me all night!"

The vendor said, “You have to use it in the proper place for it to work!”

“And where is that?”

“Under a mosquito net!”

Enjoy Amoy! 

Dr. Bill Brown
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA

School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.com

Ming Dynasty Chinese business jokes: Don't Wine about it

Ahoy from Amoy (historic Xiamen, China)!

Those who think Chinese are new at business better think again, because these ancient Chinese jokes about business suggest otherwise.

Don't Wine About it (Ming Dynasty, 1638-1644)

Two men decided to make wine together.  One said, “You supply the rice and I’ll supply the water.”

The second said, “If I provide all the rice, how do we divide the results?”

“I will be absolutely fair.  When the wine is ready, we get back what we put in.  I'll take the liquid and you keep the rest.”



See the next blogs for more Ming Dynasty Chinese business jokes!

Enjoy Amoy! 

Dr. Bill Brown
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA

School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.com

Ming Dynasty Chinese business Jokes: If the Shoe Fits, Share It

Ahoy from Amoy (historic Xiamen, China)!

Those who think Chinese are new at business better think again, because these ancient Chinese jokes about business suggest otherwise.

If the Shoe Fits, Share It! (Ming Dynasty, 1368-1644)
Two brothers saved up enough to buy one pair of shoes, which they shared.  The older wore them from morning till night.  The younger, to get his share of the benefit, waited till his elder brother went to bed then put the shoes on and walked all over the countryside until dawn.

When the shoes were worn out, the elder brother asked, “Want to buy another pair of shoes?”

“No, thanks.  I need to get some sleep.”

Moral: if someone says to you, “We’re like brothers,” hide your wallet!

See the next blogs for more Ming Dynasty Chinese business jokes!

Enjoy Amoy! 

Dr. Bill Brown
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA

School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.com

Ming Dynasty Chinese Business Jokes: Limited Partnership

Ahoy from Amoy (historic Xiamen, China).

Those who think Chinese are new at business better think again, because these ancient Chinese jokes about business suggest otherwise. And it is said, even in China, that blood is thicker than water. With that in mind--if they'll do this to their flesh and blood, better watch your back!

Limited Partnership    (Ming Dynasty, 1368-1644) 
Two brothers planted wheat together and at harvest time the older brother said, “I’ll take the top half and you take the lower.”

“But all the wheat’s on the top!” said the younger brother.

“Ok, if you feel it is unfair, next year I take the bottom half and you the top!”

The younger brother agreed, and the next year they planted potatoes.

See the next blogs for more Ming Dynasty Chinese business jokes!

Enjoy Amoy! 

Dr. Bill Brown
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA

School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.com